As a teacher, we’ve heard it a million times: “Relationships are the foundation of classroom management.” And honestly? It’s true. Before kids care about what you’re teaching, they have to feel safe, valued, and connected. I’ve seen it in my own classroom, and I see it every day at home with my own kids (ages 8, 5, and 1).
But why does connection matter so much? Science has an answer: oxytocin—a powerful little hormone often called the “bonding chemical.” It’s what makes babies attach to their parents, what deepens friendships, and what helps students (or your own kids!) feel secure enough to take risks, learn, and behave well.
So, let’s talk about how you can naturally boost oxytocin levels to strengthen your relationships with kids—whether you’re a teacher setting the tone in your classroom or a parent looking to connect at home.
Why Oxytocin Matters for Teachers & Parents
Oxytocin isn’t just about cuddles (though those help too!). Research shows that oxytocin:
- Increases trust and cooperation – Kids are more likely to follow rules when they feel safe and connected.
- Reduces stress and anxiety – A strong teacher-student relationship can actually lower a child’s cortisol levels, helping them stay calm and focused.
- Encourages prosocial behavior – Acts of kindness and connection release oxytocin, reinforcing positive behaviors.
In other words, when kids feel connected, they learn better and behave better. That’s why relationship-building isn’t just a “nice-to-have” in teaching—it’s essential.
Ways to Boost Oxytocin & Build Stronger Relationships
Luckily, you don’t need a science lab to boost oxytocin in your classroom or home. Here are a few research-backed (and easy!) ways to naturally increase it:
1. Start the Day with Connection
Morning Meetings are a game-changer. Just taking a few minutes to greet each student by name, ask a fun question, or share something about your own life can strengthen your bond. Studies show that even small moments of positive social interaction trigger oxytocin, making kids feel more connected and ready to learn. I created Morning Meeting Task Cards to help me with this. They are easily accessible for me to pull out at any time of the day.
I also make time for Closing Circle which is where my SEL and Growth Mindset question sets are mostly used. I like to take a calming moment to reflect on the day in a positive way.
(Need quick conversation starters? Check out my Morning Meeting Task Cards—they make it super easy to foster connection in just a few minutes a day!)
2. Make Eye Contact & Truly Listen
Ever had a student light up just because you remembered their favorite show or took the time to ask about their weekend? That’s oxytocin at work! Research shows that eye contact and active listening help release oxytocin, making kids feel seen and valued.
At home, this can be as simple as putting your phone down and giving your child your full attention when they’re telling you something important (or, let’s be real, something totally random about Minecraft).
3. Encourage Acts of Kindness
Oxytocin isn’t just released when we receive kindness—it also spikes when we give it. Encouraging random acts of kindness in your classroom (or at home) helps kids build empathy, feel more connected to others, and even improve their mood.
(If you want to make kindness a regular habit, I have a printable Acts of Kindness Poster that makes it fun and easy for kids as well as a tracking sheet for continued motivation!)
4. Laugh Together
There’s a reason inside jokes and shared laughter make people feel close—laughter releases oxytocin! Playing a funny game, sharing a joke, or even just embracing silly moments can build stronger bonds with kids.
One of my go-to’s? Would you rather…? questions! This is exactly why they are included in my Morning Meeting bundle. I pull these out all the time.
As a mom, games are my favorite. Life is so busy and it’s a nice chance to slow down. We have been loving Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza lately. There’s no shortage of giggles with that one!
5. Work on a Shared Goal
Collaborative activities—whether it’s solving a class-wide puzzle, working on a group project, or building a giant LEGO tower at home—strengthen relationships through shared problem-solving and cooperation, both of which increase oxytocin levels. I recently had a mishap with the copy center and ended up with a full box of blurry copies that couldn’t be used. I threw out the math lesson that morning (I needed the copies for it anyways…) and posed a challenge to the class. Build a structure using only the blurry papers. They could rip, fold, crumple, stack, etc. No tape, no glue, no scissors, and NO complaining! They had a blast learning to work together and persevere. I also pointed out how I turned my mistake into a fun STEM challenge. It’s important to be vulnerable with them too!
I also love using logic puzzles to encourage teamwork. We will complete the daily Wordle or KenKen as our Morning Meeting activity or just for a fun brain break. At home, my kids and I love tackling 1000-piece puzzles together (with a side of snacks, obviously). With the toddler constantly in destruction mode, we got a puzzle mat that rolls up and away for when he is on the move! (I want one for my classroom too!) Puzzles are a favorite for me because they give the small satisfaction (dopamine hit) when you fit a piece, and they build problem-solving and perseverance for a larger dopamine hit when you complete the puzzle. I get a lot of cheap or free puzzles thrifting. I’ll offer up trades on Facebook as well as a cheap easy option to always have a fresh new puzzle!
6. Create Rituals of Connection
Kids thrive on predictability and routine, especially when those routines involve moments of connection. A special handshake when they walk into the room, a Friday game day, or even a simple goodbye ritual can boost oxytocin and create a sense of security. Ever have that kid totally freak out when you change a simple plan? Ever have a kid completely dysregulated leading up to a school break? This is why!
At home, bedtime stories, movie nights, or baking together can serve the same purpose. The key is consistency—small, predictable moments of connection add up!
Final Thoughts: Connection First, Everything Else Follows
At the end of the day, no behavior chart or consequence system will work as well as a genuine connection. Don’t get me wrong, the visual goal and reminder will certainly help, but it’s not a stand alone option. Kids (and adults!) are wired to seek belonging, and when they feel safe and valued, they’re naturally more cooperative, engaged, and willing to take on challenges.
That’s why, whether I’m in my classroom or at home with my own kids, I focus on connection first. Not only does it make learning and parenting more enjoyable, but it’s also backed by science—and oxytocin is proof of that.
If you’re looking for simple ways to build connections, check out:
- Morning Meeting Task Cards (for quick, meaningful class discussions)
- 20 Easy Ways to Connect with Your Students/Children (a grab-and-go printable)
- Acts of Kindness Ideas and Tracker (to encourage positive interactions)
Because when we invest in relationships, everything else—behavior, learning, and happiness—follows.
I would love to hear what works for you. Comment below what you’ve tried, what works, kid favorites, and failures! We can all benefit from a “what NOT to do” and celebrate your efforts!
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